Memory in Motion

Went to the Doctor today and got Zithromax and Rynatan. Why do I always get sick during long weekends? If this were Tuesday I could be enjoying a nice sick day in bed. Instead I am wasting my Thanksgiving break feeling miserable. *whine whine whine*

Okay, I’m done now.

Happy Thanksgiving All!

I’ve got a 4 day weekend and I’m going to try to relax as much as possible. Ryan is cooking here and my Mom is coming over for dinner. We are all sick, which seems to be an annual tradition. I made pies last night. I do not plan on hitting the sales tomorrow, but am going to try to get most of my shopping done early and online.

I’m so sad that it’s the last official day of my vacation. I have had a really good week off, but feel like it is over way too soon. Guess that’s how vacations always go.   In good news, Ian is going to his Mimi’s this weekend, and we are going to a party tonight. Yay freedom!

Why am I scared of everything these days? My mother in law backed out on her offer to watch Ian this weekend,and Ryan isn’t back until Sunday. When I found out, I freaked out. Cried, screamed, and generally panicked. It was really ridiculous. All it meant was that I would have Ian this weekend instead of being alone and that he would be with me while I braved the freeway to get to Central Market. We’ve done fine while Ryan is out of town in the past, just not over a weekend. And, I have been driving him around for years, just not on unfamiliar freeways. For some reason, that large expanse of time just terrified me. I used to be so independent. I moved across country with no job lined up when I was 19. I like being alone. So what happened to my confidence?

Actually, I know what happened. I had postpartum psychosis, OCD and clinical depression. I am better now, but I don’t trust my mind. And, I made a really bad choice to have an affair a few years back, so I don’t trust my judgement. I have made really good choices in the past few years and I am obviously doing a good job as a Mom since Ian is such an awesome kid, but I still have this nagging sense that I am going to screw up any second. So what can I do to change that feeling? Anyone know? My Mom suggested counseling.